smiling under pressure...

It was a hot sunday afternoon. The roads were empty and it was a comparitively quick ride to Guruji's house..Time hardly mattered on that day.. I was lost in Ghulam Ali Khan Sahebs' euphony.. I repeatedly listened to 'Ranjish hi sahi', a ghazal, for two reasons. One being that it is in raag yaman, the one i am presently learning and the other being the wonderful composition itself.

I got off the bus and was about to cross the road. There were vehicles approaching from the other direction so i had to wait for around five minutes for the traffic to clear. I stood on the central median and lowered the volume of my mp3 player so as to be able to hear honks just in case.. I looked around, trying deliberately, to distract myself from the melliflousness till i reach the other side..

A couple caught my sight. The man seemed to suffer from polio.. He had very weak legs. They hardly supported him. Even the crutches did little to support him. He was accompanied by a lady who was blind. I assumed her to be his wife. May be because i saw a little girl with them. She looked like she was just 6-7 yrs of age.. They walked slowly towards the bus stop taking support of the railings. They little girl was very chirpy. She hopped and jumped through her way, stopping from time to time for her parents to catch up with her. Their slow pace was posing an obstacle to other better blessed mortals around them. I could see some of them sigh in agitation. Some even gave the couple a glare out out displeasure. However, all this had little effect on the couple. They seemed to be impervious to the sighs of the people around them. I noticed a gracious smile on their faces. The smile lingered unaffected throughout... They had calm expressions and the serenity of their faces could not go unnoticed..

The little girl who was a few steps away from her parents took an abrupt turn and ran towards her father. She did a little jig in front of them and laughed out loudly..From her animated talk, i could interpret that she was persuading him for something. I couldn't hear what though.. To my amazement, the man handed over one of his crutches to his wife, took the support of the railings and with great difficulty lift one of his feeble legs and did the same jig.. I felt a pinch in my heart when i saw him doing that... The little girl burst out into peals of laughter followed by the chuckles of the lady and the man...

How many times do we count out blessings?? How many times do we share our smiles?? How often do we thank Almighty??

The couple and their daughter soon got lost in the crowd.. I looked to my side. The traffic had cleared lang ago. I reached the other side and increased the volume. It took me a while before i could get engrossed in the song... The smiles had captivated me..

Strictly unwarranted :P

This could be the silliest blog ever been written. But, isn't this supposes to be my space?? So, i'll write what i want to..!

I wasn't feeling very good yest. So, lazed around for quite sometime bcoz i didn't feel like doing anything else. Didn't even practice music for long enough bcoz it just didn't flow from my heart..Dat's how it goes with me when even little things go wrong between me and those whom i love. But dat wasn't for long. We sorted out everything in a few hrs.. :) Watched sweet home Alabama. What a movie! I particularly loved the scene in which Reese ridicules her friends at the bar while trying to cover up her flaws.. I think it was well shot with minute details taken care of..

Anyways, i was watching the climax when mom and dad returned home. They had bought a bar of yummy plum cake with dem.. Now dat is something! Mom sat down beside me and handing over the box of cake to me said,''Cut four slices for each one of us". I waited for the movie to end and as soon as it did, mom repeated the same line emphasizing on 'four' this time..

I picked up the knife and cut 'four' neat slices. But then.. :P ...the aroma had already benumbed my conscience. So i stealthily looked around and began cutting another piece..gobbled it up before i cud get spotted.. :P

My senses were dead now. I cut another slice and killed the already dead senses once again..Hey, i said they were dead. How cud i kill something thats dead?? I can't think anymore over this..my senses are yet to recover... :P [For those hu are tearing their hair, i have already mentioned that this is the silliest blog...u still chose to read it! thanks :) ]

A while later, my sister came home. I went back to cut another slice for her. greed had touched its peak now. I put another slice into my tireless mouth for it to savour. So by the time i went to bed i had bolted down four large slices of plum cake while mom thought her "obedient" lil' girl had eaten only one. :P

As i lay on the bed last nyt, i wondered what explaination i wud give her when she wud notice the size of the cake bar which had reduced to one third it's original size.. I guess i slept soon after.. But my senses were coming to life..They showed me a dream. I'll tell you about it..I liked the dream so much though it was quite silly and illogical..not as silly as dis blog though.. :P

I dreamt dat mom brings home some cadbury chocolates...the plain ones. I just love them :) I wud like to share something at this point..I have always luved the cadbury range of chocolates. They are much more scrumptiously delightful than the nestle or amul or the ones my aunt brings for me frm the US..As a kid, it was my secret fantasy to marry the son of the owner of the cadbury company so dat i cud get to eat as many chocolates i want.. :P Well.. i even desired to marry the son of Parle Co. too for a few days when i had become a frooti fan :P

Coming back to my dream, i steal some of those chocolates while mom is busy doing some paperwork. Man..was i a thief in my last birth?? I am stealing in my dreams too..!! I was relishing the gradually melting chocolate when my mom called out to me from behind. I tried answering her but had to shove down that brown, heavenly flux down me in order to be able to speak.. But to my shock and horror, the melt began to thinken in my mouth..!! In seconds it solidified, immobilising it!! I couldn't talk! I woke up startled and gave a huge sigh :P ....I smiled thinking how silly and comic the dream was but was also relieved that it was just a dream.. :P

Senses are so much better...dead! ;)

Satori..

i'm on the verge of starting a new chapter in my life...this transition phase has taught me a lot of new lessons..lessons dat i'll never forget..lessons for life..
Somethings in life are just not in our hands..no matter how much you wish for something, u'll always get only what you are destined to hav..Your dreams, hopes, expectations just don't make any difference..Many times, infact, most of the time you may find yourself getting much lesser than what you believe you deserve..But, u got to live wid what u get.
I am not discouraging dreaming or hoping but i'll say don't expect.
The next lesson i learnt is dat its very important to think before you speak..before u make a promise...before you ignite hope..
Everyone can't have everything..we have to compromise in many aspects..
If you feel sorry for your self seeing another person hav something what you hav always desired for, even if she/he doesn't value it, you are just being foolish...accept facts buddy.
Your desire won't change your fate.
Life ain't easy indeed...especially if u aren't d laidback kinds..To gain d pleasure of one thing, u need to bear the pain from another..
Thinking about onself matters...I'm not sure to what extent..but i am sure it matters... Living for others is a myth..nobody values all that anymore.. Actually, i knw dat's sad.............. Whatever!!
Lastly, society kills society. There's a hypocrite in each one of us no matter how much we deny it..
I might be sounding like a sadist, philosopher, sociologist. Trust me, i am not glad to be writing all this too..But alas, this is the dark TRUTH.
Now i knw why ignorance is bliss...
Naah...i'm no broody gal.. I'll pick up the pieces and turn them into a beautiful collage..will stand up and walk upright..look straight into the eys of life...dis one short life of mine..
I must say i hav been lucky. Blessed infact. Almighty has always made sure to bless me with atleast one person at all times hu stands by me when life turns too much of a burden for me to handle..I take as much as i can and leave the rest to be handled by that person... Now again, everyone can't be so lucky.. But for those who are, i'll say cherish the presence of that person...it cud be anyone..from your parents to your friend..treasure him/her..
It's actually getting interesting now..Just when i think i have all the answers, life changes the question itself...!! And once again its a new challenge, a new race...
Now when i see life posing a new quest for me, i laugh at it, sigh and then go for it. I fight back wid love, passion...It's like, why bother about the consequences when i have nothing to lose anymore?? But this laughter is no ordinary one..it's a mix of amazement, amusement, mockery nd fear...for u never know..u never know...
I sometimes wish i was still ignorant...life seemed so much simpler then.. But again, i shall wish, try, hope, dream, pray...but not expect..
Cheers to my life!!