Showing posts with label self discovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self discovery. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Mirror, mirror on the wall..!


This is the perfect place to write about myself. My blog, though open to all readers on the web, is one place where I express what I truly feel and think. It’s very close to my heart. Unlike in social networking sites, I sense the ownership experience when it comes to my blog.

Yes, I don't write too often. That's because I don't want to be writing just for the sake of filling up web space. I write when I really want to. Writing gives me a great deal of joy like many other things. It always did. In school, I enjoyed English classes. I did every single exercise of my 480 page English writing skills refresher in class 10. It covered topics ranging from essays, posters, reports, Summaries, notices, letters etc.

However, I am an average writer. But yes, I am a lot more...A very deep soul. Lively, vibrant and frank at times, extremely guarded at others. Easy to be with, easy to talk to, no frills or fancies for me. Straight forward, observant, thoughtful, trusting, trust worthy and an unstoppable thinker. Mostly child-like and cheerful, but also deeply perceptive. This clearly reflects in my thought processes and actions. I have always tried to imbibe perfection in everything I do, be it singing a song, reading a lesson, writing a mail to a friend, at work, performing before my guruji in class or even while doing the dishes. I push myself too hard. But off late, I realized that this causes me more trouble than making me happy. I spoke to my best friend
Neelam a few weeks ago and shared with her that I want things to be flawless in my life and nothing is the way I want it to be. I asked her to help me remain calm and patient since the whole recession crisis and the lack of job opportunities was getting into me. She just smiled half naughtily and half cutely and said, "Imperfect is perfect". I took that seriously and since then, I have stopped or at least I'm trying successfully not to run after perfection. I just give my best to all I do and then lay back and accept the consequences.

My life is a complicated story. In fact, a pretty interesting one. I wish to do a lot of things... I'm a dreamer, and that too a constant one. A lot of people ask me, what all is it that you plan to do? Where will you find so much time? How will you do all this together? I just smile because I never have had an answer to those questions.

Maybe I would strike off a few things on my "to do in this life" list if God would promise me another lifetime!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

don't ask me how...


Bitter sweet memories of you..
i see my life
with a birds eye view..
don't ask me how i feel..
oh..yeah..
don't ask me how i feel..

i close my eyes..
i can see your face..
it seems the same..
but of that smile there's no trace..
there's no trace..
i try and look deeper..coz i can't relate..
don't ask me how i feel..
oh..yeah...
don't ask me...how i feel..

i close my eyes..
and think of you..
Ur beside me..
we are looking out of the window at a poster..
your telling me a story..
i can hear my laughter clearly..
but there's something stuck in my throat..
don't ask me how i feel..
oh yeah..
don't ask me..how i feel..

i hate this feeling...
it's so different, it's so new..
I only wish i could forgive you...
Coz it's not easy to relate..
it makes me suffocate..
don't ask me how i feel...
coz in words i can't reveal...
what your love have done...
and what i have become...

-Ishma

Monday, August 3, 2009

Kindled poetess..

I can see me in you,
can feel me through you,
we could be soul clones..

You are a bit of everything,
sometimes too familiar,
sometimes an outlander,
Like a distant horizon..
so near..yet so far..

I think i know you,
we are the same after all..
But, there is something between us,
something that tells me,
i dont know you at all..

All i know is that,
i want us to be together..
till on our lives creeps,
the final nightfall....

-Ishma

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Satori..


i'm on the verge of starting a new chapter in my life...this transition phase has taught me a lot of new lessons..lessons dat i'll never forget..lessons for life..
Somethings in life are just not in our hands..no matter how much you wish for something, u'll always get only what you are destined to hav..Your dreams, hopes, expectations just don't make any difference..Many times, infact, most of the time you may find yourself getting much lesser than what you believe you deserve..But, u got to live wid what u get.
I am not discouraging dreaming or hoping but i'll say don't expect.
The next lesson i learnt is dat its very important to think before you speak..before u make a promise...before you ignite hope..
Everyone can't have everything..we have to compromise in many aspects..
If you feel sorry for your self seeing another person hav something what you hav always desired for, even if she/he doesn't value it, you are just being foolish...accept facts buddy.
Your desire won't change your fate.
Life ain't easy indeed...especially if u aren't d laidback kinds..To gain d pleasure of one thing, u need to bear the pain from another..
Thinking about onself matters...I'm not sure to what extent..but i am sure it matters... Living for others is a myth..nobody values all that anymore.. Actually, i knw dat's sad.............. Whatever!!
Lastly, society kills society. There's a hypocrite in each one of us no matter how much we deny it..
I might be sounding like a sadist, philosopher, sociologist. Trust me, i am not glad to be writing all this too..But alas, this is the dark TRUTH.
Now i knw why ignorance is bliss...
Naah...i'm no broody gal.. I'll pick up the pieces and turn them into a beautiful collage..will stand up and walk upright..look straight into the eys of life...dis one short life of mine..
I must say i hav been lucky. Blessed infact. Almighty has always made sure to bless me with atleast one person at all times hu stands by me when life turns too much of a burden for me to handle..I take as much as i can and leave the rest to be handled by that person... Now again, everyone can't be so lucky.. But for those who are, i'll say cherish the presence of that person...it cud be anyone..from your parents to your friend..treasure him/her..
It's actually getting interesting now..Just when i think i have all the answers, life changes the question itself...!! And once again its a new challenge, a new race...
Now when i see life posing a new quest for me, i laugh at it, sigh and then go for it. I fight back wid love, passion...It's like, why bother about the consequences when i have nothing to lose anymore?? But this laughter is no ordinary one..it's a mix of amazement, amusement, mockery nd fear...for u never know..u never know...
I sometimes wish i was still ignorant...life seemed so much simpler then.. But again, i shall wish, try, hope, dream, pray...but not expect..
Cheers to my life!!